I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
