Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
