Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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