he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
