so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we should paint friendship bongs
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