You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
