I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize