it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
