I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize