Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
