there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone signed my nipple.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
