You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
