The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
