he told me I talked like a deaf person
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
