I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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