You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
