i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
