I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
