Soap is not a condiment
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
