I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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