Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry about my life...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My bed smells like the plague
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
