At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
