She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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