69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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