i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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