cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
