After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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