girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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