new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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