Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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