Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
