I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
