Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
