East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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