Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
