oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
