her vagine was all disorganized.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
