OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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