You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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