Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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