I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
