I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
