i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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