Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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