i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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