She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
