Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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