I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
