508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
