I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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