I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
