Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
