you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
