I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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