i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
