I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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