Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
