I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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